Sitting on the back patio drinking my daily cup of the most delicious Sweet Missoula Puerh Chai tea (which may suddenly disappear when I leave... just kidding Jack!), listening to dozens of different kinds of birds singing and chirping, and looking at the gorgeous mountains that I did not know Las Vegas had, my senses are happy and I am content. But why wouldn't I be? I have no pain, my vision is clear (when my contacts are in at least), I am capable of moving myself and lifting things without a struggle, and I can breathe easily. Yet my beautiful cousin Aana is as grateful and peaceful as I am and none of these are true for her. Sweet Aana has been battling cancer for a few years now and it's a very hard struggle she's having at the moment. That's where I am this weekend- sitting with her and being blessed by her beauty. I see the pain in her eyes, her face, the way she walks, the way she sits. It's impossible to miss the constant pain she is in and the loss of physical capabilities she is facing. But she does not let it rule her life. Aana is so easily distracted by the beautiful bird at the bird feeder. She so quickly rejoices at some small success of one of her young boys. She laughs so easily at her husband's jokes or the Iron Chef show that she loves. She enjoys life as much as possible in the midst of harsh pain.
The depth of her faith is so evident. Even when she's telling me about the pain and how she doesn't understand why it's happening, there's never a question about God's existence or His goodness. Maybe she can't understand His plan, but she believes in a faithful God who is doing something that she does not understand. It's easy to see how God delights in Aana and her faith. The suffering isn't leaving her, but God is constantly giving her sweet small gifts. He gives her a ride on a horse here, an immediately inclusive and caring neighbor there. He has blessed her with the most amazing family who has more than stepped up to help out. Seriously, I can't even begin to address how amazing her husband, parents, and brother are in this post. I am honored to know such loving, selfless, and supportive people and blessed to call them my family (thanks Aunt MaryBeth for that one, and all the Elsen aunts and uncles who have allowed me to grow up calling you aunt and uncle and believing your kids were my cousins). But all of this is also a testament to who Aana is. What amazes me, but does not surprise me, is the huge number of people beyond her family who rally around Aana. Anyone who has ever met Aana has loved her at once. She is so sweet, joyful, friendly, welcoming, and fun. She's given so much to so many and now they are all giving it back to her. And that is what gives her the strength to carry on. God speaks to her and gives her hope through all these people who send her little gifts, notes of encouragement, prayers, Scripture, or offer their presence or the presence of their babies. :) While the babies are clearly the favorite, all of these things remind Aana that she has an army behind her and she is not alone. She knows that if she's not being healed, it's not for lack of prayer. Rather God is doing something that she can't yet see and probably won't see on this side of heaven.
Yet what I can see here and now that Aana truly doesn't see is the impact her faith and perseverance have on those around her. Other people struggling with cancer are encouraged by her, but it goes beyond that. She is showing God's goodness in the midst of suffering to so many people. She is being a light in the darkness. She just can't see it because a light can't look at itself. She can't see how bright she shines. She just sees the darkness and pain that surrounds her physical body and thinks that's what she's offering to people. This weekend she's apologized to me for being useless too many times. What she doesn't know is she is so very helpful to me. She's teaching me so much and shining so bright. But she truly doesn't see the blessing that she is. What she needs is for the people around her to reflect that light that she offers back to her. That is why the people around her give her hope. That's what they are doing. They are showing her what they see- that she is beautiful.
I'm telling you this brief version of Aana's story because I love her and I feel that her story needs to be told by someone besides her. If you read her blog you see some of her beauty. But Aana tends to point out how she's failing at trusting God. The truth is this beautiful woman, when she can get out of bed (and truly even when she can't), is continuing to love and serve those around her to the best of her abilities. She is seeking God with all her heart and trying desperately to follow Him whatever His plan may be, however hard it may seem. She is faithful and trusting when she has every excuse not to be. And I hear Him saying, "Well done my beloved daughter, in you I delight and with you I am well pleased."
The depth of her faith is so evident. Even when she's telling me about the pain and how she doesn't understand why it's happening, there's never a question about God's existence or His goodness. Maybe she can't understand His plan, but she believes in a faithful God who is doing something that she does not understand. It's easy to see how God delights in Aana and her faith. The suffering isn't leaving her, but God is constantly giving her sweet small gifts. He gives her a ride on a horse here, an immediately inclusive and caring neighbor there. He has blessed her with the most amazing family who has more than stepped up to help out. Seriously, I can't even begin to address how amazing her husband, parents, and brother are in this post. I am honored to know such loving, selfless, and supportive people and blessed to call them my family (thanks Aunt MaryBeth for that one, and all the Elsen aunts and uncles who have allowed me to grow up calling you aunt and uncle and believing your kids were my cousins). But all of this is also a testament to who Aana is. What amazes me, but does not surprise me, is the huge number of people beyond her family who rally around Aana. Anyone who has ever met Aana has loved her at once. She is so sweet, joyful, friendly, welcoming, and fun. She's given so much to so many and now they are all giving it back to her. And that is what gives her the strength to carry on. God speaks to her and gives her hope through all these people who send her little gifts, notes of encouragement, prayers, Scripture, or offer their presence or the presence of their babies. :) While the babies are clearly the favorite, all of these things remind Aana that she has an army behind her and she is not alone. She knows that if she's not being healed, it's not for lack of prayer. Rather God is doing something that she can't yet see and probably won't see on this side of heaven.
Yet what I can see here and now that Aana truly doesn't see is the impact her faith and perseverance have on those around her. Other people struggling with cancer are encouraged by her, but it goes beyond that. She is showing God's goodness in the midst of suffering to so many people. She is being a light in the darkness. She just can't see it because a light can't look at itself. She can't see how bright she shines. She just sees the darkness and pain that surrounds her physical body and thinks that's what she's offering to people. This weekend she's apologized to me for being useless too many times. What she doesn't know is she is so very helpful to me. She's teaching me so much and shining so bright. But she truly doesn't see the blessing that she is. What she needs is for the people around her to reflect that light that she offers back to her. That is why the people around her give her hope. That's what they are doing. They are showing her what they see- that she is beautiful.
I'm telling you this brief version of Aana's story because I love her and I feel that her story needs to be told by someone besides her. If you read her blog you see some of her beauty. But Aana tends to point out how she's failing at trusting God. The truth is this beautiful woman, when she can get out of bed (and truly even when she can't), is continuing to love and serve those around her to the best of her abilities. She is seeking God with all her heart and trying desperately to follow Him whatever His plan may be, however hard it may seem. She is faithful and trusting when she has every excuse not to be. And I hear Him saying, "Well done my beloved daughter, in you I delight and with you I am well pleased."
1 comment:
The beauty of this post reflects the beauty that is in YOU, dear dear Coray!
xoxooxo
Aunt Carol
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