PS...

While my previous blog remains entirely true and needs to exist, I feel like it left a negative feel in the air even with the redeeming end. And our world needs a heck of a lot more joy and hope and gratitude and a heck of a lot less negativity. So for that I say to God in the presence of all of you:

I am thankful for:
The Wheaton college van currently parked outside my roommate's window! WHAT!
The fact that I have a way in to creep on them and see who's here!
My group experience group who have been faithful friends since class forced us together ;)
My incredible church and all the ways that I get to be involved
My two beautiful mentors who walk through life with me
The incredible house full of women that I get to live with and learn from
The fact that on a street where many people don't have homes, I have not only a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in, but a place to do laundry, eat food, and shower in warm water
The three cousins that I get to live near (despite how rarely I see them) and the new life that one of them is about to bring about in the next few weeks/days
The amazing 2 and 3 year old boys that I get to spend most of my week with, the way we learn together, laugh together, and see through new eyes because of each other
The incredible friends that God pulled together to Denver from all areas of my life including Wheaton Christian Grammar School, Wheaton College (even CE!), YWAM, and my entire childhood and through high school years (shout out to Becca ;))
The amazing new friends I have met
Hiking every weekend
75 degree weather today
The most wonderful family anyone could ever have, even though I'm so far away and missing out on every family gathering now
The best sisters on earth
The opportunity to go to grad school
And of course, let us never forget, the most majestic and glorious mountains that I get to see every morning as I rise and every evening as I go to bed

Praise be to Him, the Creator of all that is, was, and is to come! Praise be to the Shepherd, the Savior, the Protector, the Defender, our Strength, and the reason for our song! All praise be to our Glorious Father!

Story and Loneliness

I've been thinking a lot about two different themes lately. The first is the idea of story. I've always loved stories. When I was little, the worst punishment my mom would give was to take away my book. The way you get to know a character through hearing the story of their life has always grasped my attention and drawn me in. This is a huge part of why counseling is something I'm excited about. To me, the biggest part of counseling is sitting and letting someone give voice to their story. When someone hears that you have a degree in counseling, it often opens a door to their heart and they allow you access to the depth of their journey. And I love hearing their stories. I love valuing and treasuring their stories as I learn about them. I love giving them the safe space to give voice to their stories. Because, to me, story is central to who we are. We are our stories. 

I think this also spills over into the idea of friendship. Friendship is about being with people who know you and love you still. But what does it mean to be truly known? I don't think you can truly know someone without knowing at least some of their story. I used to always ask people to tell me their stories. I haven't done that in awhile. And that makes me incredibly sad. I think it's my fear that stops me. The fear that someone will think I'm weird for asking that (which has definitely happened before) or find me too interested in their life and push away. And the lack of story is what leads to my second theme.

Loneliness. It's interesting because I have made friends here. And they are awesome people who I'm excited to get to know more and I love spending time with. But if you asked me who their best friend is or what they did over their summers growing up or how they made it through high school, I would have no idea. And I get that that's part of life. I didn't grow up with them. I uprooted my whole life to move somewhere new- I have to start over. It makes sense. But I'm beginning to realize how lucky I was back home. I had people who had known me from my childhood, people who walked with me through wilderness trips where I was at my worst and I thought I was going to die (yes I was a bit dramatic about my Honey Rock wilderness trips), people who knew my family and how important and close they are to me, people who knew my story. 

People often talk or sing about feeling alone in a crowded room, having people surrounding you, but feeling completely alone. And I get that. And I think at times it's almost worse than actually being alone. There is a desperation to be known and to know. There is a desire for shared memories. There is a need to share your story and know their story. The hopeful side of this is that there is so much to share, so much to learn, so many memories to make. I have so many friends that I'm excited to create new stories alongside. I have so many people whose past stories I can't wait to hear. There is so much hope and joy in the new and the unknown! That's why I love to move!

That is to say, this is not a blog to cry out my sorrows and declare that I am always lonely and so sad. This is not the case. I feel blessed. I have friends. Yes, I feel lonely because people don't fully know me or my story. But that's just one dimension of my life. This morning in church I was reminded that no one can ever know me as fully as God does. So what does it mean to really let that truth fill our lives? What does it mean to know that we are the most well known we can ever be at every moment of our lives because our Creator, our Sustainer, and our Guide knows us thoroughly. And how can we draw near to Him and know Him better? One way is by continuing to hear His story- the one that is offered in His Holy Word and the nature surrounding us. The story that fills every person around us. His story is in each of us and we can only know it better when we listen to the stories of those around us. So, I am going to return to asking the question, "What is your story?" And I pray that I will learn more about the story of God in the stories of the lives around me while I create some deeper and more founded friendships in my beautiful, joyful, exciting, warm, and friendly (new) home.